Auto-pilot

They say that when something tragic happens in your life, you go into survival mode. Boy do I understand that phrase. I like to call it Autopilot. For the last few months, I feel as though I've been spinning in circles and not heading anywhere. I've been forgetful (which is not like me) I've procrastinated on things (which is also not like me) I've ignored things that need to be taken care of, I've become lax in working out and eating right (but haven't gained any weight) I just meander through the day. I get the cleaning done that I feel like. I run the errands I remember and I spend as much time with the boys as I patiently can. I've become even more impatient though. Sometimes I just want to run and hide. I have never been a person to run away from problems....but now I just want to curl up and be alone. And other times I can't stand how often I am alone. I guess this autopilot is a little blah. There have been some highs and some moments where I've felt important and attractive. But there have been many lows when I realize how things are in reality. So, I just get through each day with the hope that one day, I will be back to my normal chipper self, (although there are moments of this each day) and get back to remembering things and getting out of survival mode. I know I"m still in here some place....I would just like to see it more often. And hopefully when I return from this place, I will be a better Angela.